Being a parent to a child with autism has reshaped the way I view strength, connection, and unconditional love. But being a parent to more than one child—that’s where things get really tender. Nestled somewhere between therapies, meltdowns, and triumphs, there’s often another child quietly watching it all unfold. And sometimes, they’re carrying more than we realize.

Parenting in this dynamic means balancing not just the needs of one child, but the emotional landscape of an entire family. It’s not easy—but it’s possible with awareness, intention, and love.

Including the Sibling Voice

Siblings grow up with a front-row seat to autism. That experience can build empathy, resilience, and lifelong compassion—but only if we nurture it.

We often focus so heavily on managing school, therapy, and behavior that we forget: siblings are trying to make sense of it all, too. They need inclusion—not just in conversations about their sibling, but in discussions about themselves.

It helps to ask: 
– What’s most important to our family right now? 
– What will we wish we’d prioritized five years from now?

Maybe it’s: 
– Getting the kids to play together, even just for five minutes. 
– Making it to the park as a whole family. 
– Helping them become each other’s safe place.

When we name these hopes, we can begin building toward them.

Small Changes, Big Impact: Practical Ways to Support Siblings

You don’t need to be perfect. But you can be intentional. These small adjustments can help your neurotypical children feel seen, supported, and connected:

Balance the Welcome: 
When you come home, if you find that your instinct is to check on your child with autism first, maybe you know they struggled, maybe you know they were anxious while you were gone. Try, when possible, to greet all your children together. A few shared seconds can make a big difference.

Schedule One-on-One Time: 
Even 10 minutes of reading or walking together can recharge connection between yourself and your child.

Create “Made-Up Holidays”: 
Let each sibling have a special day to choose the plan—just because.

Invite Their Voice into Team Meetings: 
When appropriate, allow your neurotypical child to offer input. Let them feel part of the team, too.

Model and Teach Sibling Skills: 
We can’t expect them to just “know” how to navigate this life. 
For your child with autism, you might focus on: 
– Social skills 
– Flexible play 
– Managing big emotions

For your other child(ren), you can model and teach: 
– How to ask for space 
– How to say “no” kindly 
– How to include their sibling in ways that feel fun, not forced

Making Room for Every Heart in the Home

One of the most helpful things we’ve started is holding simple family meetings—just a check-in to ask:

What’s been the hardest part of the day?

When did we feel stressed or overwhelmed?

What helps us feel more connected?

These small moments of reflection build trust. From them, we’ve created better routines—like bedtime structures that support everyone’s needs, and “downtime” signals that help avoid overstimulation.

This journey isn’t linear. Some days are beautiful. Others are overwhelming. But through it all, I remind myself that my children are growing up in a home filled with effort, love, and intention.

We won’t always get it right. But trying matters. Listening matters. And love—the quiet, consistent kind—does the work of healing and holding us together.

A Moment with Lily

I remember when my four-year-old daughter Lily asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks. We were talking about her brother Joey, who had just started at a new school for children with autism. She was curious—then concerned. Her questions unfolded one after another, and I did my best to meet each one honestly and gently.

Lily (age 4): Mommy, why does Joey have to go to this school? 
Mommy: Because they are going to teach him lots of new things. 
Lily: Mommy, does everyone at the school have the autism? 
Mommy: Almost everyone. 
Lily: Mommy, will Joey have autism his whole life? 
Mommy: Probably. 
Lily: (tearful) He will have autism when he is an adult? 
Mommy: Yes. 
Lily: (tearful) …Then he will never have any friends. 
Mommy: He will have friends. One of the things this new school will teach him is how to make friends. 
Lily: (tearful) That’s okay, Mommy. I will be his friend forever.

That moment lives in my heart.

Because at the end of the day, that’s what we all want—for our children to know that they belong, that they are not alone, and that love will always, always, find its way.